Chapter Six Filia didn't say a word to Xellos as he escorted her to her bedroom. When they reached the doorway, she stopped, placing her hand on the frame. "This is far enough," she told him quietly. When several heartbeats had passed, and he made no move to speak or move away, she looked to him, inwardly resigning herself to an argument she knew she would lose. Damn him. Their eyes met, and not for the first time, she wished she could read those terrible eyes. She hated them, hated him, and worst of all, she knew she hated him because of the strange thrall it felt that he held over her. It wasn't love; it was a deep sense of loathing so powerful that she felt sick just thinking of him. But that power was enough that her emotions bordered almost on obsession. Xellos was living proof that even beauty could be evil. His eyes, while terrible, did strange things to the very air in her lungs, causing it to congeal, her lungs to tighten. She hated him with every bit as much passion as she loved Valgaav. Maybe more. She hated him for his dark beauty, his terrible, hypnotic eyes, and for the way he had her cornered, powerless to make a move against him, and the way they both knew it. From time to time, an inner voice, appearing as the very essence of logic and reason, would suggest that it might not be simpler, easier, to simply surrender to Xellos. The more she tried to argue it, the more confused she would become. He tried to kill her, after all. He could have, but he didn't. He saved her from the falling rocks, and from herself when her entire world was failing her, and she had no choice but to launch an attack that everything in her protested against. He was the one who offered her the support and encouragement she needed. That's the dragon I know. He threatened harm upon Jillas, he drove Valgaav away, and he was a Mazoku, someone who would have readily delivered Lina Inverse's head on a silver platter to an enemy if it served his purpose. And to think she once believed that Xellos and Lina were friends. Every argument she had, there was a counterpoint that seemed so rational, her own reasons grew muddled in the fatigue. Maybe it would be easier, simpler, better to just accept Xellos instead of trying to fight him. Still, she waited for the arguments to come, knowing in her heart that she wouldn't protest. She no longer had the strength to do so. Just when Filia thought she might have Xellos figured out, he would turn around and astound her. "If that is your desire, Miss Filia," Xellos replied. His voice was lower now, soft and smooth. Not the nearly-shrill, annoying pitch he usually used with others. Filia blinked, watching him as he released her, stepping back with a slight bow. "Would you care for me to bring you up some tea?" "Huh? Per...perhaps later..." Damn him for setting her world on end yet again. The figurative ground was shifting madly, unstable. "Very well. Should you change your mind, you only need to ask." Xellos turned away to leave. Filia leaned on the doorframe for support. Just when she thought she might have him pinned down enough to anticipate his next move, he proved her wrong. "Xellos?" "Yes, Miss Filia?" He turned back around, his eyes closed, smiling pleasantly. "Why did you come back?" She watched him as he didn't answer immediately, half-expecting to be told it was a secret. "Because I said I would." "You don't always do what you say you will." That caused his eyes to open, and he regarded her calmly. "What makes you say that?" "I'm still alive." A faint smile tugged the corner of his mouth, stopping just shy of becoming a smirk. Filia shivered. "it would appear so, yes." "Why, Xellos? Why did you not carry out your threat?" Maybe she was playing with fire. Maybe he would decide to rectify that. Maybe that wouldn't be such a bad thing. No sooner did that thought occur to her did she remember the strong likelihood that she was no longer responsible for only her life. Unconsciously, her hand fluttered to her abdomen. He stayed silent, appearing to consider his reply. Then, Xellos smiled. "Sore wa himitsu desu." Filia almost snarled in frustration; the not knowing was maddening. Xellos was unfazed, closing his eyes in his signature smile. "Rest now, Miss Filia. Worry not about the unimportant things." "I consider that important." "Silly dragon. I will determine something's importance, not you. Rest." With that, he bowed slightly, turning away, terminating the discussion. Filia watched him walk away, then slipped into her bedroom, sighing heavily as she shut the door. Had the world ever truly seemed to be clear-cut black and white? Those days felt like a lifetime ago. It was dark when Filia awoke, and the small, solitary lamp that burned on her vanity table only served to amplify the shadows with its meager glow. When she rolled over in bed to stretch, she realized she was not alone. "What are you doing here?" Filia asked crossly, sitting up to glare at Xellos. He sat at her vanity, looking at an object in his hands, and the lamp glow caught on its surface with a sparkling effect as he turned it over repeatedly. At the sound of her voice, he closed his eyes, looking over to her with a far-too-pleasant smile. "Ah, Miss Filia, you're awake!" Filia's scowl deepened, and she repeated her question. "I am merely watching over you while you sleep." "I don't need anyone watching over me," Filia snapped, kicking away the heavy quilts to swing her legs over the bed. "No?" Something in his tone seemed to dare her to challenge that. "You seemed to need it when the other one lived here." The other one. Valgaav. Filia's heart constricted painfully. "He didn't stay in my bedroom." "Tsk, Miss Filia. I would have thought lying was beneath you." He shrugged slightly, turning away from her dismissively. "But then again, you are a Golden Dragon, after all." The entire room seemed to be draped in a thin, red veil briefly as she stared at Xellos, enraged beyond the capacity of speech or even movement. She trembled, shuddering violently as she struggled to breathe, the exhalation of air forming a low, lethal growl. "How dare you?" she hissed once she was able to form words. If one could commit murder with mere looks alone, Xellos would have died a satisfyingly horrible death. Xellos looked at her calmly, almost blasé in his attitude. "Now, Miss Filia, there's simply no reason to get upset. All I did was point out a simple fact. You lied, as your now-dead clan is well-known to do. If you wish to avoid such an unseemly comparison, I would suggest avoiding unseemly behavior." "I did not lie," Filia somehow managed to choke past her fury. "So that halfbreed spent not a single moment within this room while you slept?" One eye opened ever so slightly, his amethyst gaze penetrating. Filia's cheeks burned. "I never said that," she faltered, then struggled to regain the upper hand, changing the flow of the discussion. "But just because he did doesn't mean you have the right to do so!" Ever so slightly, Xellos' other eye opened. That irritating smile remained on his lips, but there was a harshness to it, to his entire expression and demeanor. Filia was too enraged to care at the moment that under his apparently calm surface simmered a temper equal to her own. "And why did he stay here?" he asked, his voice so soft Filia almost had to strain to hear him. Filia stared at him. "Because of you." Xellos smiled, but there was something chilling in his expression. "Because I am so dangerous, hmm?" "Yes." Fear began to war with anger, and slowly gained ground. "Who was the one who brought harm upon you?" Filia couldn't bring herself to answer that question directly. "I'm not in danger now." "No? Why do you say that?" "He wouldn't harm me, not intentionally, and he's not here." "Do remember, Miss Filia, that we are discussing someone who very nearly destroyed our entire world. Do you not recall how he was? I would not have considered him to be a portrait of sanity." "He's not like that anymore," Filia argued, although her tone lacked the conviction she tried to convince herself that she felt. Xellos didn't even bother to reply to that beyond merely looking at her in silence. Filia broke the gaze first, looking at the floor. "I have no intention of seeing my little dragon fall to ill at the hands of others," Xellos said, and Filia reflexively bristled. "For the last time, I am not your little dragon!" Xellos merely smiled at that. "And while we're on that topic, it would be wise for you to dispose of this." He held up the object which he had been studying, and Filia's chest tightened. It was the jeweled barrette Valgaav had bought for her, the first gift he ever gave her. "Why?" Even to her own ears, the word sounded more like a soft moan of pain. "Oh, Miss Filia." Xellos shook his head. "Look at yourself right now. Must you even ask? It is quite obvious that any mention of him brings you anguish." "I thought you enjoyed that," Filia whispered bitterly. "As I said, I have no wish to see you come to harm at the hands of others. While he is gone in body, things still linger which cause him to remain here in spirit, still capable of inflicting hurt upon you." Xellos looked away from her, studying the barrette again. "Such a small, insignificant trinket." "It's also from Jillas," Filia whispered, recalling what Valgaav had said when she first thanked him for it. "Your loyal little fox has given you many other things. Come now, you have no need for this paltry little thing. If it makes you feel better, you can sell it and recover the money spent." Filia said nothing as she wrapped her arms around herself, staring miserably at the barrette. Xellos laid it back down on her vanity and stood, walking over to sit next to her on the bed. "I know how dragons can be. If you would miss this for the mere sake of the trinket..." Xellos trailed off, pressing his hands together. Filia looked to him, then gasped as he parted his hands, revealing what he now held. "I can give you this, and more. Everything you desire." He held a new barrette, and it looked almost to be of Elvish design. The golden metal curled in a exquisite pattern, almost as if the metal itself had been fashioned into dainty threads and woven together. Nestled in the delicate curls were tiny flowers and butterflies, adorned and decorated with brilliant chips of amethyst and sapphire. "Now this," he held it up to the light, smiling in satisfaction, "this is a suitable match for your beauty. Much better than that little trinket." "Where did you get that?" Filia asked, her voice a breathy whisper. "Sore wa himitsu desu." He held it out to her, but snatched it back as she reached for it. "As I said, this -- and more -- can be yours. But only under one condition." "What?" "That you begin to part ways with the past. Let go of the things which would bring you pain to look upon." He looked to the barrette on her vanity table. "Such as that." Filia felt torn. In some ways, there was a logic to what he said which she couldn't seem to argue. But to discard that barrette... It felt almost like treason. "I..." Her voice cracked and her vision suddenly blurred almost to blindness before hot tears splashed down her cheeks. "I need to think about it..." Filia looked at him, and Xellos' expression was cross. "Please?" He was not thrilled with her answer, and it showed in his curt motions as he tossed the barrette he held up into the air, letting it disappear. "Very well." His tone was short. Filia wondered why she felt guilty. She couldn't possibly hurt a Mazoku's feelings. They had not feelings to hurt. "It's just all so sudden," she whispered. "Well, to avoid any more of this 'suddenness'," Xellos said as he stood, and there was something in his tone that leaned toward mocking, "you should be aware that discarding the past would also require disposing of his personal effects, such as his clothes. I'm certain that some of the less fortunate in your village would find them welcome." "You want me to get rid of all traces of him, don't you?" Filia said brokenly, her voice reflecting the cracks in her heart. Xellos gave her his trademark, infuriatingly pleasant smile. "Very astute of you, little dragon." Before she could say another word, he vanished. Feeling shell-shocked, Filia remained sitting on the edge of her bed, rocking back and forth slightly, hugging herself. She wasn't ready for that level of finality, the symbolic closing of that door, the end of that chapter to her life. Closing her eyes, Filia recalled his smile, his tenderness, everything about him, and her heart felt raw and bleeding. She didn't want to let him go. "Sweet Cephied," she whispered, laying on her side on the bed. "What do I do?" Then the grief collapsed under a sudden, powerful surge of icy fear, and she wrapped her arms over her abdomen protectively, curling into fetal position. If she was carrying Valgaav's child...what would Xellos do? Her thoughts were too jumbled, her emotions too erratic, for her mind to harbor anything but blankness. Filia stared at the wall, concentrating only on breathing for what felt like hours. Gradually, a course of action began to form. It was the last thing she wanted to do, but the only thing she could do. As she tried to sort out the details, she saw the huge, gaping holes in her plan. Everything depended on an element of 'if'. And if a single one of those 'if' factors fell through, so would the whole scheme. The more she tried to find another way, the more obvious it became that there was no other way. She would have to play with high stakes, and it would be winner take all. But how could anyone win against that Mazoku? Filia had to win. It was that simple. There was no room for maybe. The life of her child depended on it. Cephied, if I ever succeed at anything, please, let me have this.

to be continued...
Chapter Seven